To look through a dirty window
And see the warmth and joy
Wanting to step in and be a part of it
But not having the possibility
That glass is extra thick at times
But not so thick that I do not want to take my fist and just smash it
Never mind the glass that cuts
Never mind the dirt that infect my wounds
Sometimes it rains out here where I stand
But It's only me who can feel it
Feel every little drop that lands on my cheeks
Trying to hold my breath but water gets in my lungs
I try to pretend that it's okay out here
That I 'm not cold
Like I fully accept that this is the way it is
But sometimes I can not pretend
Not even to myself
Sometimes I can not even look through the window
It hurts too much to see everything I want to be a part of
The fear of not ever getting rid of everything that cuts into my soul
The fear that forever be the one that stands out here
With a thick, dirty window
Between Me
and you
And my life ...
